6 years ago, I wrote a poem about pregnancy and it kept coming into my mind recently.
*The content may contain something about miscarriage or any negative conditions from childbirth that may be triggering.*
Since I was small, I had fear from nowhere about pregnancy and childbirth. Even when I was 9, which I hadn't had any sex education yet, I told my mom that I am not gonna have kids.
Till 7 years ago since I started doing my spiritual practice, it unfolded a lot of my past lives of being a female and a mother but at the same time, there were even more of memories about death coming from childbirth and pregnancy. It could be miscarriage, my death when labouring, and even more was death of my kids. These images were like video clips playing in front of my eyes and these memories are stored in my cells all over my body.
From then, it was my very first time to be with these heavy emotions consciously. Guilt has been with me for years and it's like they never go away. With this guilt, how could I be brave enough to be a mom again? I just couldn't. How can I deal with the pain from miscarriage?
I am super grateful that Aura Soma supported me so much during the time. It helped me to release and resolve this guilt within me. The most liberating one happened during one of the healing sessions in a workshop that I saw there were many baby angels in the sky and I quickly recognised they are all my babies who were passed away. I bursted into tears. They are actually living really really well. They are happy up there. They are all fine. I started to realise my guilt came from my thought of thinking they were in pain when dying so I kept punishing myself. (I am now only opening limited Aura Soma session from time to time. If you want to get updated, register here.)
Guilt arises just because we keep ourselves in a box of what we think till we see the fact clearly. Guilt will then be dissolved. We are liberating the guilt kept within us as a mom or a woman from lives.
Is letting go easy? Honestly, it is not sometimes, however, suppressing or controlling them can be harder.
Can I pretend I don't know something I do? It is hard.
Can I ignore the pain and just be a mom? It is also hard.
Can I change the fact of my kids dying? It is even harder.
Even though it takes so much time for me to heal this, I definitely gain so so so much from that.
No matter if we can give birth to a child, we, as women, are good enough.
No matter if we can nurture a child, we, as women, are whole.
No matter if we can give birth to a healthy child or not, we, as women, are already a perfect mom because we gave our kids the perfect and extraordinary experience they want to be on Earth.
We, as mom or women, are not measured by our power of giving birth. It is whether we can give birth or not, we are good enough. Our kids or fertility is never a measurement of being who we are as women.
The most sacred power of being women is not only birthing lives but also our capacity. No matter what happens in life, we are capable to be with it, to accept it and to allow it that it is the flow of life, the choice of the soul and the cycle of Mother Earth and we can still find the beauty and grace behind the non-love. We allow it and learn to be and dance with it, when there is anything we can't control. Even though it is heavy and there is injustice, we still are willing to resolve ourselves, to heal the pain and become union. This is actually contributing to the ascension of the collective. We may not witness the best and thriving version of the world this life but with healing ourselves and hope, we are giving faith and vision to our future generation like our kids.
If you want to work with similar or vulnerable topic with me, I am now opening 15-min Free Zoom session for us to connect and see if we are the good fit to work on that together.
GBP50 for every 30 min after 15 min. It considers as 30 min if it is less than that.
The purpose of this free session is to allow both of us to connect if we are compatible to work together. Make sure you want to deal with the topic to sign up mindfully.
Sessions are limited to Oct 2023
Comment or PM to sign up.
那段日子幸好有 Aura Soma 的陪伴和支持，協助我和解和釋放這個愧疚的自己，而最令我解放的一次是在某工作坊的療癒環節，我突然看見天上來了很多天使小孩，我頓時認出她們全部就是我過去離世的孩子，我哭成淚人。原來她們每一個都活得安好，也變成了守護我們的天使，我的愧疚來自我以為她們離世走得很痛苦，所以我一直怪責自己。愧疚其實是把自己困在頭腦中「我以為」的框架，直至看清事實時，終於能夠解放這份悲傷，這是累生累世作為媽媽或女人所含著的內疚。(我現在只會不定期開放 Aura Soma 諮詢，如想收到update，請登記此名單。)